It all begins with a 7 year old, usually they are turning 8.
They turn to their mother one day and say " mommy... I want to have the best birthday party ever".
Mommy begins the epic search... through neighborhood fliers, through internet searches and through school bulletin boards.
She presents this research to the 7, soon to be 8 year old and says " choose, baby choose" . The child reviews the options and eventually, after extensive visualizations of his/her friends high fiving and leaving all smiley with loot bags turns to their mother with their finger defintively at the picture of a small child smiling at the top of a rock wall.
"I want that one :D "
This leads to the hurdles of invitations, booking a date and time, finding food, food allergies, designing a cake, loot-bags preparation and most importantly a guest list.
After distribution of usually handcrafted or maybe these days designer invitations, the wait begins... RSVPs.
The child undergoes one of thier first experiences of social distress and anxiety... who will come to my party?!
Cousins? of course.
Brothers and sisters? ..yes if its a cool party.
Friends of brothers and sisters? yes.
class mates? ... oh god... who?!
All things lead eventually up to the big day.
A mothers nightmare.
Preparation of the cake, the pizza order, the allergy requirements and the medical status of all children is required.
Parents arrive to a war-zone of waivers, directions, introductions and the eye widening experience of realizing they have brought their children to a place which actually encourages them to climb the walls.
One by one the children with snowflake stamped/ waiver signed hands are herded into the waiting hands of the instructors, whilst mom runs upstairs to prepare the feast and post-climbing treats. The anxious and hesitant youngsters stare in awe at their new habitat, barely noticing that strangers are strapping them in and harnessing them up. They fitted with shoes and explained the 2 simple rules of the gym which, with fingers crossed, will help the instructors avoid donating the next 5 years of thier lives to law suits and hospital visits.
Regardless of rules, these children soon realize they are at long last in an environment where they can literally... climb... the... walls.
There is more... I am just exhausted.
Sunday, January 31, 2010
Tuesday, January 26, 2010
No thinking Aloud.
The little men in my head all had manuals out, frantically flipping through the protocols for this type of situation. In all the co-motion, the infamous little girl snuck into the command room and pulled the plug on all the computers, cutting control from the little people of logic and reason. They all panicked, reaching for the plug, the safety button the eject button… anything!
The little girl held strong though, silencing the men of logic and reason. She gave a gentle smile and put her finger to her mouth, whispering “shhh…”.
No Drama. No thinking.
Strong Silent type.
The little girl held strong though, silencing the men of logic and reason. She gave a gentle smile and put her finger to her mouth, whispering “shhh…”.
No Drama. No thinking.
Strong Silent type.
Saturday, January 23, 2010
Its movies like this which just make me hate my way of life and living.
Dear James Cameron,
You are a moron. With respect to your new multi-mill film which I have affectionately come to know as " Pochahontas with Smirfs"...
My reaction to Avatar as i was watching it was thinking you are either playing a sick joke, showing how incredibly placid the mass audience really is... to watch this movie and not immediately take action ( which they obviously wont do because no one has any friggen clue how to step out of thier comfort zone and their top 1% of the worlds wealth reality).
Or you are just that blind and hypocritical that you think spending 100 million dollars on your art is an appropriate way to please a crowd and send a positive message.
You have just added to the mass desensitization of our peoples, the peoples of planet earth, to our manipulation and destruction of our own mother. The fact that I read that you based your easily coughed up 80 page script on "every single science fiction book I read as a kid" just further proves that we have all seen what you showed us before. The scariest part is that I have heard George Bush talk about the war on Terror... I have heard scientists talk about "one more sample" and I have watched so many people blindly follow the leader just because the leader is the loudest. Are you actually standing up against the imperialistic bastards that run this world? or are you playing into the irony of us being moved by this... in a theater, eating popcorn, wearing 3D glasses which will later be shipped back to california and boiled down into a new pair. FUCK.
I AM SO FRUSTRATED WITH THIS WORLD.
Sure, ya did it in 3D, and you added some new words but in the end game you simply provided the first world, our world watching with another reality to escape to, another dimension to forget that we do indeed live in a concrete jungle, and we are actually killing our planet, and we are actually mass-murdering our indigenous peoples.
This isn't news. But stop telling people and start acting. You empowered tons of people to make a movie. Now empower tons of people to change their way of life. Pure entertainment is not enough anymore.
You are a moron. With respect to your new multi-mill film which I have affectionately come to know as " Pochahontas with Smirfs"...
My reaction to Avatar as i was watching it was thinking you are either playing a sick joke, showing how incredibly placid the mass audience really is... to watch this movie and not immediately take action ( which they obviously wont do because no one has any friggen clue how to step out of thier comfort zone and their top 1% of the worlds wealth reality).
Or you are just that blind and hypocritical that you think spending 100 million dollars on your art is an appropriate way to please a crowd and send a positive message.
You have just added to the mass desensitization of our peoples, the peoples of planet earth, to our manipulation and destruction of our own mother. The fact that I read that you based your easily coughed up 80 page script on "every single science fiction book I read as a kid" just further proves that we have all seen what you showed us before. The scariest part is that I have heard George Bush talk about the war on Terror... I have heard scientists talk about "one more sample" and I have watched so many people blindly follow the leader just because the leader is the loudest. Are you actually standing up against the imperialistic bastards that run this world? or are you playing into the irony of us being moved by this... in a theater, eating popcorn, wearing 3D glasses which will later be shipped back to california and boiled down into a new pair. FUCK.
I AM SO FRUSTRATED WITH THIS WORLD.
Sure, ya did it in 3D, and you added some new words but in the end game you simply provided the first world, our world watching with another reality to escape to, another dimension to forget that we do indeed live in a concrete jungle, and we are actually killing our planet, and we are actually mass-murdering our indigenous peoples.
This isn't news. But stop telling people and start acting. You empowered tons of people to make a movie. Now empower tons of people to change their way of life. Pure entertainment is not enough anymore.
Friday, January 22, 2010
So Young.
I sat down in the corner of the climbing gym last week with a boy no older than 11.
I asked him why he was so sad and angry with everyone, and why I could not help him to climb.
He looked at me and answered " I have never won anything in my life, and I never will." Now this boy is not the strongest climber in the class, he is often distracted and causing a ruckus while the other kids are trying to learn and practice. I looked at him and didn't know what to say... I could not lie to him so I started trying to explain to him how some games are played against yourself, and you really should not compare yourself to others- He stopped me and continued " none of the other kids like me and i have no friends... no one really loves me".
When should a young boy ever have these ideas in his head?
Why are some kids so burdened with social awareness when they still lack the ability to understand themselves?
I am afraid for this boy.
I gave him a hug and asked him to come back and play with the group, but he walked away from me and cried in a corner.
Teaching kids to climb is teaching me more than I ever expected.
And I need to do something with this knowledge. I cannot forget it.
I asked him why he was so sad and angry with everyone, and why I could not help him to climb.
He looked at me and answered " I have never won anything in my life, and I never will." Now this boy is not the strongest climber in the class, he is often distracted and causing a ruckus while the other kids are trying to learn and practice. I looked at him and didn't know what to say... I could not lie to him so I started trying to explain to him how some games are played against yourself, and you really should not compare yourself to others- He stopped me and continued " none of the other kids like me and i have no friends... no one really loves me".
When should a young boy ever have these ideas in his head?
Why are some kids so burdened with social awareness when they still lack the ability to understand themselves?
I am afraid for this boy.
I gave him a hug and asked him to come back and play with the group, but he walked away from me and cried in a corner.
Teaching kids to climb is teaching me more than I ever expected.
And I need to do something with this knowledge. I cannot forget it.
Sunday, January 10, 2010
Over the Rainbow.
So here is my life in Toronto.
I am mostly stressed out because im not living my life the way I expected I could so easily and confidently would. I go to the one place that keeps me here, hesitantly but voluntarily, compete in a competition a year ago I would have been dumbstruck not to win and I end up not placing, and being filled with this wonderful energy of such amazing people. Right when I am reminded of how much I love the place, and simultaneously how much living in Toronto makes me sleepless, I turn to my boss and ask if there is anything else I can do to help out tomorrow.
He looks at me, dumbfounded and sleepy eyed and pauses, then smiles bashfully and says “ sorry, its just… well, you were in my dream last night”. I am suddenly curious and confused, and a little worried…
"Yea "he smiles "well we were at this Kareoke bar, and I was feeling down…. And you knew it… so you grabbed the microphone and you stood on stage and you started singing ‘somewhere over the rainbow’ and it really made me feel better”…
This is enough to floor me. I officially am amidst being flattered and relieved and very amused. All I can say is “ I am stoked that I can do that for you” and laugh a bit. It seems I am fulfilling my duties as the hippy child I so esteem to be.
Unfortuantely that place is still the only thing really making me happy in Toronto. Thoughts of friends flying away and adventures I could be having… the what ifs of the present and near future are weighing me down.
This is never how I wanted to live. Something has to change… be it me, or my surroundings…
Only time will tell.
...Somewhere over the rainbow
Way up high,
There's a land that I heard of
Once in a lullaby.
Somewhere over the rainbow
Skies are blue,
And the dreams that you dare to dream
Really do come true.
Someday I'll wish upon a star
And wake up where the clouds are far
Behind me.
Where troubles melt like lemon drops
Away above the chimney tops
That's where you'll find me.
Somewhere over the rainbow
Bluebirds fly.
Birds fly over the rainbow.
Why then, oh why can't I?
If happy little bluebirds fly
Beyond the rainbow
Why, oh why can't I?
...
I am mostly stressed out because im not living my life the way I expected I could so easily and confidently would. I go to the one place that keeps me here, hesitantly but voluntarily, compete in a competition a year ago I would have been dumbstruck not to win and I end up not placing, and being filled with this wonderful energy of such amazing people. Right when I am reminded of how much I love the place, and simultaneously how much living in Toronto makes me sleepless, I turn to my boss and ask if there is anything else I can do to help out tomorrow.
He looks at me, dumbfounded and sleepy eyed and pauses, then smiles bashfully and says “ sorry, its just… well, you were in my dream last night”. I am suddenly curious and confused, and a little worried…
"Yea "he smiles "well we were at this Kareoke bar, and I was feeling down…. And you knew it… so you grabbed the microphone and you stood on stage and you started singing ‘somewhere over the rainbow’ and it really made me feel better”…
This is enough to floor me. I officially am amidst being flattered and relieved and very amused. All I can say is “ I am stoked that I can do that for you” and laugh a bit. It seems I am fulfilling my duties as the hippy child I so esteem to be.
Unfortuantely that place is still the only thing really making me happy in Toronto. Thoughts of friends flying away and adventures I could be having… the what ifs of the present and near future are weighing me down.
This is never how I wanted to live. Something has to change… be it me, or my surroundings…
Only time will tell.
...Somewhere over the rainbow
Way up high,
There's a land that I heard of
Once in a lullaby.
Somewhere over the rainbow
Skies are blue,
And the dreams that you dare to dream
Really do come true.
Someday I'll wish upon a star
And wake up where the clouds are far
Behind me.
Where troubles melt like lemon drops
Away above the chimney tops
That's where you'll find me.
Somewhere over the rainbow
Bluebirds fly.
Birds fly over the rainbow.
Why then, oh why can't I?
If happy little bluebirds fly
Beyond the rainbow
Why, oh why can't I?
...
Thursday, January 7, 2010
Dig Deeper Watson
The Phrase often used by someone who also holds " no shit sherlock" in thier vocabulary.
My mother has been watching me lately. She has been watching my actions, my dreams, my goals, my mood swings...
She has taken all of this research and created a statement about me, which she feels has a profound affect on the outcome of the next few years for me.
" you are digging many shallow wells. You will never find water this way..."
My mother, being the wise woman she is, is completely right.
The only problem is, that i have no idea what to do about it. I cannot even fathom committing to just one or two of my
ideas right now... The funny thing is though, that by not committing, I already have and that is even more frightening. A jack of all trades, a master of none. I love my life, I love what i know.
How can your love and passion possibly be the thing that holds you back?
tell me.
Now.
before i apply to any more restaurants.
My mother has been watching me lately. She has been watching my actions, my dreams, my goals, my mood swings...
She has taken all of this research and created a statement about me, which she feels has a profound affect on the outcome of the next few years for me.
" you are digging many shallow wells. You will never find water this way..."
My mother, being the wise woman she is, is completely right.
The only problem is, that i have no idea what to do about it. I cannot even fathom committing to just one or two of my
ideas right now... The funny thing is though, that by not committing, I already have and that is even more frightening. A jack of all trades, a master of none. I love my life, I love what i know.
How can your love and passion possibly be the thing that holds you back?
tell me.
Now.
before i apply to any more restaurants.
Monday, January 4, 2010
tradition like brussle sprouts.
Today I decided to attempt not to go to sleep with a computer on my lap.
...After a couple of hours being entertained, and truly entertained, by Sylvia Plath's 'Bell Jar' my separation anxiety is just too much and here i am on the computer... in bed.
Gosh, I miss the good old days when i would be forced to bed at a certain hour and would read until 1 or 2 am, when my mother would come in and turn out the light angrily because i had promised to stop at chapter twenty-three and now only had 5 pages till the end. I think if i ever have Children I will own a dusty old atari-equivalent which will sit in a frightening cold basement under poor lighting and strange looking bugs just to detract my child from the addiction of chatting, twittering, blogging and general animated/ cyber-social time-holes I find myself so drawn to these days by convenience.
But I suppose that child would still probably be found shivering cold and puffy eyed, curled up in a swiveling desk chair at early hours of the morning, sulking that they didn't get to finish their last message to a friend, or edit their last thought... As i also remember fighting for in the later years of my adolescence.
I hope kids will read in generations to come. I hope they will read books. on paper with print and bedside lamps.
Reading always reminds me how to write. If I lose that I lose my memory and then nothing can be gained. Computers just do not offer the same permanence, the same loyalties.
I suppose I will try again tomorrow.
Goodnight.
...After a couple of hours being entertained, and truly entertained, by Sylvia Plath's 'Bell Jar' my separation anxiety is just too much and here i am on the computer... in bed.
Gosh, I miss the good old days when i would be forced to bed at a certain hour and would read until 1 or 2 am, when my mother would come in and turn out the light angrily because i had promised to stop at chapter twenty-three and now only had 5 pages till the end. I think if i ever have Children I will own a dusty old atari-equivalent which will sit in a frightening cold basement under poor lighting and strange looking bugs just to detract my child from the addiction of chatting, twittering, blogging and general animated/ cyber-social time-holes I find myself so drawn to these days by convenience.
But I suppose that child would still probably be found shivering cold and puffy eyed, curled up in a swiveling desk chair at early hours of the morning, sulking that they didn't get to finish their last message to a friend, or edit their last thought... As i also remember fighting for in the later years of my adolescence.
I hope kids will read in generations to come. I hope they will read books. on paper with print and bedside lamps.
Reading always reminds me how to write. If I lose that I lose my memory and then nothing can be gained. Computers just do not offer the same permanence, the same loyalties.
I suppose I will try again tomorrow.
Goodnight.
Friday, January 1, 2010
2009
A year.
A year can be measured in a number of ways. It can be measured in Accomplishments, in failures, in Adventures, in maturity... In days...
I used to measure my year in Semesters... In Grades. I suppose i still do.
This morning, sitting around the breakfast nook in Guelph after a night of amazing celebration... I looked at everyone and reflected on what I knew about each person at the table, what they have shared with me about their year. I thought to myself that this year actually seems like one of the longer years of my life, if you measure it by days. Everyone agreed.
I feel aged this time around. I really do and I love it. I think a lot of my new missions, new perspectives have been realized, including how I do not really know much at all about where I will be going next and god, how humbling that is.
This year I completed the standard level of education within my social circles. I got a lot stronger mentally I learned how to see things ( jobs, friendships, relationships, passions) through. I also learned when to walk away from them. I learned what is like to be very alone. and I learned about how to travel, who to travel with. I learned take care of myself, I learned my limitations and a little more about my strengths. I learned the extent to which I really do need very solid people around me, influences in my life, in order to continue on...and I am so thankful for them.
Most of all i think I learned about adventure. The word in itself.
I am on the Adventure of a lifetime. I am not waiting for it. I am there now.
The hermit in Toronto. An adventure of my own mind.
I hope you are too, where ever you may be.
Safe Travels.
Songs:
Safe Travels - peter and the wolf.
Heres looking at you kid- The Gaslight Anthem
A year can be measured in a number of ways. It can be measured in Accomplishments, in failures, in Adventures, in maturity... In days...
I used to measure my year in Semesters... In Grades. I suppose i still do.
This morning, sitting around the breakfast nook in Guelph after a night of amazing celebration... I looked at everyone and reflected on what I knew about each person at the table, what they have shared with me about their year. I thought to myself that this year actually seems like one of the longer years of my life, if you measure it by days. Everyone agreed.
I feel aged this time around. I really do and I love it. I think a lot of my new missions, new perspectives have been realized, including how I do not really know much at all about where I will be going next and god, how humbling that is.
This year I completed the standard level of education within my social circles. I got a lot stronger mentally I learned how to see things ( jobs, friendships, relationships, passions) through. I also learned when to walk away from them. I learned what is like to be very alone. and I learned about how to travel, who to travel with. I learned take care of myself, I learned my limitations and a little more about my strengths. I learned the extent to which I really do need very solid people around me, influences in my life, in order to continue on...and I am so thankful for them.
Most of all i think I learned about adventure. The word in itself.
I am on the Adventure of a lifetime. I am not waiting for it. I am there now.
The hermit in Toronto. An adventure of my own mind.
I hope you are too, where ever you may be.
Safe Travels.
Songs:
Safe Travels - peter and the wolf.
Heres looking at you kid- The Gaslight Anthem
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