Over the Rainbow.

So here is my life in Toronto.

I am mostly stressed out because im not living my life the way I expected I could so easily and confidently would. I go to the one place that keeps me here, hesitantly but voluntarily, compete in a competition a year ago I would have been dumbstruck not to win and I end up not placing, and being filled with this wonderful energy of such amazing people. Right when I am reminded of how much I love the place, and simultaneously how much living in Toronto makes me sleepless, I turn to my boss and ask if there is anything else I can do to help out tomorrow.
He looks at me, dumbfounded and sleepy eyed and pauses, then smiles bashfully and says “ sorry, its just… well, you were in my dream last night”. I am suddenly curious and confused, and a little worried…

"Yea "he smiles "well we were at this Kareoke bar, and I was feeling down…. And you knew it… so you grabbed the microphone and you stood on stage and you started singing ‘somewhere over the rainbow’ and it really made me feel better”…

This is enough to floor me. I officially am amidst being flattered and relieved and very amused. All I can say is “ I am stoked that I can do that for you” and laugh a bit. It seems I am fulfilling my duties as the hippy child I so esteem to be.

Unfortuantely that place is still the only thing really making me happy in Toronto. Thoughts of friends flying away and adventures I could be having… the what ifs of the present and near future are weighing me down.
This is never how I wanted to live. Something has to change… be it me, or my surroundings…

Only time will tell.


...Somewhere over the rainbow
Way up high,
There's a land that I heard of
Once in a lullaby.

Somewhere over the rainbow
Skies are blue,
And the dreams that you dare to dream
Really do come true.

Someday I'll wish upon a star
And wake up where the clouds are far
Behind me.
Where troubles melt like lemon drops
Away above the chimney tops
That's where you'll find me.

Somewhere over the rainbow
Bluebirds fly.
Birds fly over the rainbow.
Why then, oh why can't I?

If happy little bluebirds fly
Beyond the rainbow
Why, oh why can't I?

...