I never really thought I would understand marriage, I have never even really admitted to being a 'relationship' person but I think I get it now. When I say that, I am not referring to having someone to come home to, or make dinner with or even shag. I don't regret the fact that I am single. At all. I miss having a climbing partner though.
Its funny, and perhaps underrated, but the one thing that holds me back in climbing seems to be my brain. In the last year I have spent a significant amount of time climbing with a select few individuals, and it has made all the difference.To have someone who knows your breathing, your bad habit of stepping behind your rope and most importantly, your mental cruxes is invaluable. To have enough trust in another human being that you can step beyond your intuitive fears and really push yourself is tres exhilarating. It is not just a belay, it is someone who can stoke you for your send, and when you belay them, you really feel like you are there with them.
I remember the first time I belayed a good friend on one of his projects, we had been climbing together for a few weeks and I had always been on belay when he was working his project. He was seconds away from the send, when a visiting friend didn't feel him his necessary arm full of slack for a crux dynamic move and he nearly fell, yelling down to his fumbly partner. He cut a few moves later, pumped out in a mental and physical disconnection.
From then on, he discretely asked me to be available for the catch.
It was on that same trip that I took my first real whippers on a project. With my friend belaying, I still very tentatively took many times at the crux. It was only after I really fell, and almost landed at the first bolt that I turned around to see him smiling "what? I get to have some fun with this too..." I realized I finally had someone who knew exactly what I needed behind me. My next try I sent it without even a pump. Full focus on the moves, and that's because I had full trust in my catcher.
What would Johnny Copp have been without Micah Dash? where would Dean have been without Steph? Don't even get me started on Sharma. A climbing partner is someone who you can share your wildest dreams with. You have no fear when you are with them and you trust that they, undoubtedly, will catch you when you fall.
Now here I am, In Toronto, surrounded by keen climbers and I can't seem to find a project outside. Maybe its just that I need to find that special someone to stand behind me.