Now.

I think the reason I write about the "now" so much... is because I have no idea where it is or how I can live in it.

I get lost.
I get worried.
I think down the road and I have no idea if what I am choosing right now will effect my future. And that fucking scares me.
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Words written using a security guards pen in the waiting room at St. Mikes hospital, family Practice:

What makes us who we are?

Is it the trips we take?
Is it the blind and frightened choices we make?
is it our mistakes?

One of the most valuable lessons, which i would have never known i was
receiving at the time of delivery... comes from a trip leader on a rafting tour years ago...
" its not about what goes wrong. Its not about how you fucked it up. In the end, it is all about how you clean up, how you get yourself out of it. that is all that matters."

It is about how you deal with what the world thrusts at your chest. When you are suffocating and panicked. It is not about how sad your situation is. it is about your ability to breathe under those pressures you never could have imagined or foreseen.

It is about your ability to live and still love your life and those in it.

yea I think that guy was onto something there...