Quick! before you're Thirty!!

Standing at my friend, Cristina,'s funeral the other day. I heard a woman behind me whisper " She lived fuller life than most 50 year olds" as pictures of Cristina's musical career, OMNI 1 interviews, life growing up in Portugal, skater life in toronto and her feature in the Ryerson art gallery last April flickered on the projector screen. I find it interesting. To look into another person's life is so easy. You can see their accomplishments. You can have faith that they will make something of themselves.
Cristina would have. I believe that moreover because I know she already had. She died at the age of 23.

So now I am sitting here, with a pile of applications for masters programs, post grad diplomas, paramedical college and seasonal guiding jobs on my bed, in my parents home in Toronto, Ontario. Also 23, I am feeling the pressure of a ticking clock on my mind. I have been conditioned to believe that it runs out when I hit 30 years old. When this generation hits thirty, there is an unwritten expectation that you will have completed the path to success, have a lover whom you have married, have a steady job and be generally settled into a mundane existence. This is the socially accepted path our families and friends expect and hope that we take.

Now, this is very different from our parents generation. Those baby boomers were a productive crew. They married in the early 20s, moved out of our grandparents homes, they built their empires and worked hard. Now they are smiling at their investments and planning their retirement ventures. I am starting to get the vague feeling that many folks in our generation are on the outside, looking in at a lifestyle that we will never know and I'm not even sure that we are aware of it.

Marriage later in life now means to most that life must be lived prior to marriage. Marriage tends to become a priority on the 364th day of your 29th year.

Suddenly, with only 7 years to go and another lap around the calendar before I can apply to any masters programs ( thanks to recent roadtrips and adventures), I am stressing out over what I want to be when I grow up. I mean honestly, they started asking us in the pre-teens to plan our careers, shouldn't I know by now? I have been taught by my parents that I should follow my heart, but with the daunting task of nurturing our planet at my fingertips I am completely lost.

I am not alone in this boat. I know it because of Facebook status updates mostly.

I think everyone is anxious at this stage. They are looking to climb the ladder of success but unsure of which ladder they will be climbing. What BA/BSC meant 20 years ago is what MA means now, also meaning two more years ( at least) of school are necessary to achieve it. Because of our parents choices and the explosion of globalization our options really are infinite. Even if we know we need the masters under our belt it is sometimes very hard to understand or accept where our minds will be as the product of the school we choose. I know this because every time I open a google search, I end up with a new ' even better!' plan for internships, masters programs and neat jobs. This often leads to me lifting my foggy eyes to a clock and wondering how it could possibly be 3am already.

So maybe our problem lies in our generations expectations, many of us were not driven at age 16 to become doctors or lawyers ( then again I remember a few who were...). And maybe 30 really isn't the end of the world as we know it. I mean, I understand the 27 thing if you are a rockstar...if you make it to 28 you really have accomplished something. But for the rest of us, I think we need to remember all our yoga classes and buddhist teaches. Stop planning the future, be responsible for yourself and live in the now.

Cristina Taborda's funeral was beautiful and mournful, of the potential that this girl had. But potential means different things to different people and Cristina did live her life to its full potential. If we open our eyes we can see that there should never be a time limit for what you can accomplish and that race to a successful thirty is just an illusion created to induce depression and scare us into careers. You should not be finished learning, and you should not be settled, not until you too close your eyes.

"Don’t feel guilty if you don’t know what you want to do with your
life…the most interesting people I know didn’t know at 22 what they
wanted to do with their lives, some of the most interesting 40 year
olds I know still don’t." - Baz Luhrman, the sunscreen song. (http://www.lyricscrawler.com/song/3953.html)

Hm... I remember loving this song but I hear the words again and wonder why it is that I keep forgetting them.


Anyways... it is 12:30pm on December 28th 2010. I am tired of looking for a future, so I am going to take a deep breathe and live in the now.

PS: big screen TV, mansion, a husband, 2 cars in the driveway and cool touch screen phones are not necessities. You know better. Do not forget what you want to work towards. But please please please Lauren! put some blinders on and accomplish something!!!